The Pregnancy Files

During this pregnancy I have been exposed to other pregnant women, mainly during prenatal classes and while sitting in the OB waiting room. Observing their varied reactions and emotions in regards to their pregnancies, I have come to the realization that most women categorize this time in their lives as either:

1) The most beautiful/wonderful/amazing time in a woman's life. Otherwise known as the eternal optimists of the gestational camp, these ladies walk around with an effervescent glow 24/7 and never complain of aches and pains. Instead they utter such statements as "I have never felt more beautiful" and "I have so much energy, at 28 weeks I ran a 10k and set a new PR". My responses to these affirmations of prenatal bliss are  a) "She is blowing smoke out of her ass", and b)" I'll have some of what she's having!"

Or...

2) "This sucks, get this baby out of me!" On this end of the spectrum are the women who see pregnancy as a means to an end. In other words "Every party has a pooper that's why we invited you". Yes, these women look forward to the birth of their children with great anticipation but "do they really have to go through that whole (excruciatingly painful) birth process?" "Can't we just fast forward to the point when the cute, cuddly baby is plopped in my arms?"  Granted, some of the women that fall into this category really do have a bad time of it.  However, most are just whiners. Yes, I am referring to the chick waddling  into the elevator huffing and puffing while holding her back and shooting nasty glares at her husband. To you I shout "AT 18 WEEKS YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET SISTER SO SUCK IT UP! AND STOP YOUR BITCHING...AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!"

As far as what camp I fall into, I'm sure Zach would probably say that I have been a bit cynical (aka whiny and, dare I say, bitchy) during the last 33 weeks. I will admit that I have had my moments of weakness but I feel that I fall into a third, much smaller, category of pregnant women.  We of the third camp don't really see pregnancy as a walk in the park, nor do we think that it is 40 weeks of pure hell. Our view of carrying a baby can be summed up by one word....."Weird".

Isn't it though? At what other time of your life do you experience such an odd array of symptoms/emotions/quirks/etcetera?  Some of these changes can be chocked up as wonderful and others as sucky, but in the end they are all just plain weird.  Dietary changes, inability to control bodily functions, narcolepsy during the day and insomnia at night, strange appendages pounding at the wall of my abdomen. I have either suddenly aged 70+ years or I have become Sigourney Weaver in that Alien movie where the alien baby explodes out of her belly.

Here is a pic of me at 31 weeks.  After posting this on FB, people where kind enough to lie comment that I look "cute, beautiful, and glowing".  I am sorry, but all I see is Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. The green sweater doesn't help. It is one thing to look at your expanding midsection in the mirror and think "aww, that's kinda cute". Its another thing entirely to have someone take a picture where you can actually see what you look like in your clothes. News flash, you look like a planet with your own gravitational pull.  I'm serious! I currently have two small dogs and a large plate of food orbiting my atmosphere at any given time.

And the cravings. The spur of the moment, sometimes disgusting cravings, that must be satisfied right now or so help me I will die of starvation!!! Sometimes followed immediately by projectile vomiting. I was lucky enough to only experience the nausea and up-chucks during the first 14 weeks. During this time I only wanted to eat one thing....Mac and Cheese. So I did. Every day. Every meal. Thankfully, once the second trimester arrived the nausea left and I was able to expand my diet.  Foods of choice included ramen noodles, cranberry juice cocktail, pita chips dipped in ketchup and lunchmeat sandwiches. Now I am in my third trimester and I crave food........mostly nutella.....on a spoon.

Another odd pregnancy symptom that could be chocked up to the random dietary changes (but most likely stems from raging hormones) is the pregnancy dreams. I am talking bizarre and intense REM acid trips! Here are two of my most recent dream sequences:

1) I go for my 34 week OB appointment only to find out that my OBGYN is Dr. Huckstable (Bill Cosby's character from the Cosby Show).  He tells me that the baby is all ready to be born and that he plans to induce me that evening. Score! We eat Jello and I laugh at his jokes. Then I wake up and realized that I have at least 7 weeks left in my pregnancy, Dr. Huckstable does not work at Bayne Jones Army Community Hospital, and there is no Jello in front of me. Moral to the dream....Reality is a heartless bitch.

2) This one is VERY trippy.  I am part of the zombie apocalypse world in the hit tv series The Walking Dead.  Only instead of belonging to a group of adept zombie killing survivalists I am accompanied by the four ladies of the new TLC series Gypsy Sisters.  You know who I am talking about? Loud with skin bearing rhinestone outfits. Basically the moral of this story is that white trash skanks do not make good zombie hunters. Needless to say this dream did not end well.

All in all, pregnancy has its ups and downs and I feel that I have weathered the storms pretty well.  It has been a very memorable (albeit weird) time and I must say that I do not regret any of it, maybe even loved certain parts of it! In fact, I think i will do it again sometime.  But for now.....GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!

Puppy Love Lost and Puppy Love Found

When Zach and I first moved down to Louisiana we talked about getting another dog.  Kipper had been in our lives for almost 2 years at that point and we wanted to find her a friend.  Apparently Zachary has always dreamed of owning a German Shepherd. So we did some searching and found a family that was looking for a home for their 4 month old German Shepherd puppy.  Thus Spock entered our lives.  From the get-go it was rough sailing.  Spock was a very sweet, friendly dog but was also extremely stubborn and disobedient.  We tried several different dog training methods but nothing seemed to work.  He soon became an outside dog and, due to our work schedules, neither Zach nor I could give him the time and attention/training that he required.  At this point it became evident that we needed to find him a better home.  We both felt extremely guilty, almost as if we had failed raising a child, but we knew that he needed a different living situation. Luckily we were able to find a couple that was looking for a companion dog for their Husky.  Now Spock has happily found his forever home and from the reports we hear, he is doing well and is very obedient (go figure!).

Two weeks after finding a home for Spock, we decided that we still wanted a second dog.  However, we decided that this time we should adopt a younger puppy from a shelter.

That's when I found Gunter.

 You know common theory of "love at first site"?  Well this was puppy love at first site!  Gunter has been a part of our family for 1 week and things are going  swimmingly (minus that occasional indoor potty mishap).

 Gunter is very sweet, cuddly and playful.  Kipper is experiencing some sibling rivalry but has been very good with the little puppy.  It is so cute when they play together!  Now our family includes two adorable fur-babies (with a not-so-furry baby on the way :).  I am of the opinion that every child should have a pet and I am very excited to watch Rory grow up with his two doggies!

Dear Rory

Dear Rory,

Needless to say, Mommy is a little late jumping on this pregnancy bandwagon.  You were a happy surprise in late July but it was hard for me to really believe 100% that in 9 short months I would be holding my very own baby.  Reality hit me like a brick a few weeks ago when I entered the third trimester.  Not only do I have a globe in place of a midsection, but apparently I have a barrel of monkeys living inside of me. You move around with abandon, throwing punches and kicks as if you aim to be the next Jackie Chan. Yes this can be borderline painful, especially when the attacks are aimed at my spleen, but I happen to find it very endearing . There is something very comforting about your squirminess that makes the warm glow of motherhood wash over me.  I am more happy and excited than ever for your arrival.  Daddy is very excited for your birthday too, although he tries to hide it behind a rough manly demeanor ;) Whenever someone mentions you, a grin spreads across his face and his cheeks turn red. I can tell that he can’t wait to hold his little boy and teach you “manly” things like how shoot a BB gun and how to play video games. He is going to be an amazing Daddy and you are going to be one lucky boy!

As for me, I can only hope and pray that I am the best Mommy I can be.  I am both excited and terrified about your arrival.  But I have heard that motherly tendencies come naturally so I am hoping that basic instincts, accompanied by guidance from your very wise grandmommies, will rule the day. I can’t wait to hold you close, kiss the top of your head, and play with your little fingers and toes.  There is so much that I want to teach you and even more that I want to share with you.  We are going to have many grand adventures!

I love you so much already and that love continues to grow every day.

Mom

Bookmarked

• Wanelo is a website featuring unique products and where you can find them.  Looks like a great place to find one-of-a-kind gifts!
• Occasionally I will come across people with negative things to say about homeschooling. This info-graphic shows some great pro-homeschooling statistics. I am a proud ex-homeschooler and hope to teach my kids at home someday.
• YAAAAY!!  Tardis Christmas tree ornament! I will definitely be ordering this before the holidays.
• I love old houses. This website has a great collection of pictures and blueprints. I especially like the English Cottage and the Tudor Revival styles.
• Free art printables.
• The wisdom of Albus Dumbledore.

Bunch of Cuddlers

We are a family of "cuddlers".  Specifically the furry members of the family. 

Kipper is the dog version of a leech.  No, not the Hirudo medicilinus (gross, wormy type creatures that suck your blood) but the more furry and less slimy Clingtoyu cuddlemuchus. This animal will attach itself to your hip 24/7 if it has its way.  Although I am her first choice as victim, she is not a picky creature.  Wherever there is a warm body, she can be found sprawling out on laps or curling up behind reclining knees.

I call this position "The Pill Bug".  Her favorite method of attack is to jump up on the couch next to her intended victim, worm her way underneath their arm, and crawl into the lap.  Sneaky, sneaky! Beware the Clingtoyu cuddlemuchus!

However, there is a more fearsome cuddly creature to behold.   The dreaded ball of fur, the Snugglewythmi!  This beast is far more dangerous because he is five times bigger than Clingtoyu cuddlemuchus and is therefore more likely to squish and suffocate his victims.  If you are able to tame the Snugglewythmi  he will forgo the squishing and content himself with laying his massive maw across your foot and drooling on your toes.

Luckily, both of these dogs are sweet as could be and their cuddling powers are hard to resist.  Yet there are times when neither Zach nor I are available to snuggle with them.  What do they do when there are no human victims?

Cuddle with each other!  No one is safe when these two are around!

Blast From The Past vol. 1

One of my main goals with this blog is to use it as a means of chronicling my life so that in the future I can look back and have fond memories (or not so fond memories, but memories none the less) of where I went and what I did.  In doing so I would like to include old photos I come across from my life pre-blog.  They will be featured under the appropriate title "Blast From The Past".

Sometimes I wish I had a time machine and could travel back to my childhood and experience certain moments all over again.  I feel that the word nostalgia is to often used in a negative manner.  The most common definition is that of  "a bittersweet longing for things, persons, and places of the past" or "homesickness".  To me, this definition is indicative of regret rather than nostalgia.  What is so wrong with looking back upon the past with strong feelings and emotions?  Sometimes we all need to look back upon happy times and remember the joy that we felt during a birthday party, or the sorrow at the passing of a beloved pet.  Our pasts shape us and define what we have become.  You can't change the past but you can retain the memories and I choose to look back on all of my memories (good or bad) with fondness.

With that said, this first installment of the series is from March, 2003.  This is the year I was a freshman in high school.  I played on a home school basketball team called the Trailblazers.  Now, I'm not gonna deny that I was marginally talented at best but I had a great time playing and I made some great friends (one of whom, Tanya, was a bridesmaid in my wedding).  There were also a lot of lessons learned, such as 1) nothing is ever earned without hard work 2) teamwork is achieved when all members show respect for each other, and 3) if the team gives up more than 8 offensive rebounds in a game you will all be running suicide sprints for an hour during the following practice.  Maybe this is why I have become so neurotic about working out?

The pic was taken during our end of season tournament in Oklahoma City, OK.  We rode the Greyhound to get there and here we are standing outside a bus stop while the bus was refueled.  (The bus stop is a story in itself. One that involves pools of urine under benches and offers to purchase marijuana from other Greyhound patrons).  So here I am in all of my freshman glory.

I'm on the far left with the glasses.  Luckily, not all of the team was this short.  Can you imagine being a 5'4" 15 year old weighing in at 108 lbs, and having your coach put you in the game to play Center where you have to post up a 6'1" senior  who is quite possibly twice your body weight?  I've lived it.  It's not pretty.  Thank goodness for the tall girls who were designed by God for the purpose of playing this position:)

I'm Baaaack

Long story short, Zach and I are finally in Louisiana.  So much has happened in the past few months, and since I don't want to bore you with a novel, here is a brief synopsis.

We found our perfect "First House" and began the long and arduous process of becoming homeowners.  Right when we were about to close on the house.....

... the floods came. This rainstorm could have been classified as a monsoon. It also didn't help that the state of Louisiana is flat as a pancake. Anyway, after lots of discussion and prayer we decided to continue the closing process. Fortunately for us, the renovations to the house were covered under the current owners flood insurance.  They were so sweet and allowed us to pick how we wanted the house remodeled (so long as it fit in their budget).  Here are some pics of the house at the start of the remodel.

 And here is a pic showing the lovely moss green paint that we chose for the living room/kitchen/hallway.

 Our beautiful wood floors.

 My shiny new fridge.  Notice I said MY fridge not OUR fridge.  That's right Zachary Vance, I claim full ownership! Hehe.

 One of the reasons I immediately loved this house is that it has a fireplace.  Not that it ever gets cold enough in the deep south to actually use it.  It's more of a conversation piece.
After the renovations were completed we were able to move in.  A week later, all of our stuff was delivered.  Opening all of those boxes made me feel like a little kid at Christmas!  It had all been in storage long enough that I didn't even remember what was in the boxes.  "Yay, a Cuisinart waffle maker, picture frames, and knick-knacks! You shouldn't have!"

 And somewhere in that labyrinth of boxes and couches this dog showed up. "Where did he come from?  Why is he the size of a small pony?"  Haha, in all seriousness, Zach had always wanted a German Shepherd and when we found a family looking for a home for their 4 month old puppy Zach couldn't resist. 

 I know what you are thinking. "This is a 4 month old puppy?!?"  No good reader.  This is a 54lb 4 month old puppy.  And that was 2 months ago. Now we are the proud owners of a 65lb 6 month old puppy. 
He's been eating his Wheaties.
Since we moved into the house this past April I have been busy making it our home, looking for a job, and trying to control the beast that will hereafter be referred to as Spock (I let Zach choose his name, don't judge me).  We are very blessed to have each other and our 2 furry children.  We can't wait to see what happens next!
More Louisiana adventures to follow so stick around!